Spectrum Café ministry provides fun and fellowship for gays

Lynchburg couple Leslie Milburn and Brooke Kieffer showed up at the Spectrum Café wearing matching rainbow knee socks — a touch of flair to show their support for the gay community.

Spectrum Café, a social ministry of the First Unitarian Church in downtown Lynchburg, provides a sanctuary for the couple, a place where they can hold hands without fear of judgment or dirty looks.

“We like that it’s gay-friendly. There’s not too many places that are gay-friendly in Lynchburg,” Kieffer said at the event last month.

Together for three years, Milburn and Kieffer exchanged vows at a commitment ceremony in Lovingston. As a symbolic gesture, they plan to make it legal in Washington, D.C., even though those rights will not carry over to Virginia.

Though their marriage is invalid in the eyes of the state, at Spectrum, they feel at home.

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Spectrum Café was founded by First Unitarian Church members Kim and Rose Sinha, a Lynchburg couple who married at the church four years ago. (Rose asked to be identified by her middle name due to privacy concerns.)

One Saturday a month, the church opens its fellowship hall to members and friends of Lynchburg’s GLBT community (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transsexual) for a night of food and fellowship in a laidback, alcohol-free setting. While First Unitarian hosts Spectrum Café, it’s a secular event open to the public at large.

Spectrum Café keeps a low profile, advertising through Facebook and word of mouth. On average, it draws between 25 and 50 people each month, peaking at about 70 at last year’s Halloween dance.

The crowd is heavy on teenagers and young adults, but also attracts families and older folks.

Some are gay. Some are straight. Some are still figuring things out.

Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter, said the Sinhas. Spectrum is a place where people of all sexual orientations are embraced, and where laughter and friendship rise above fear and prejudice.

Part of Spectrum Café’s mission is to provide a safety net for people who are struggling with their sexual identities.

A number of people who attend the event declined to be interviewed for fear of negative consequences in their professional lives, or, in the case of several Liberty University students, at school. The organizers have taken steps to protect privacy at the event. They banned cameras so that people who are in the closet do not have to worry about photos from Spectrum Cafe being posted on the Internet.

“For people who are grappling with their sexuality, it’s hard to feel like a misfit or an outcast, and depending on your upbringing, it can come with a lot of fear,” said Kim Sinha.

“Our hope is that Spectrum is a place where at least they can feel comfortable in their own skin,” Rose Sinha said.

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Lynchburg stands out from other conservative, Southern cities because of its place in the Evangelical Christian movement, which is steadfastly opposed to homosexuality.

The city is home to Thomas Road Baptist Church and Liberty University — two bastions of social conservatism established by the late Rev. Jerry Falwell.

Opposition to gay marriage is a top cause of Liberty Counsel, a faith-based law firm with offices on Liberty’s campus.

Liberty University does not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, said LU’s law school dean Mat Staver.

At the same time, Liberty is “unapologetically a Christian university and will maintain its Christian standards,” Staver said. The school requires students to sign a code of conduct that bans any sexual behavior outside of marriage, whether it’s heterosexual or homosexual, he said.

“Liberty would have a Biblical view on homosexuality that homosexuality is wrong in the same way that any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong,” said Staver in an interview this week. “But at the same time, LU also takes the position, and has historically, that people make mistakes … and we’re willing to work with people no matter what their struggles are.”  On a national level, the country remains conflicted about gay rights.

Approximately 57 percent of Americans support civil unions for same-sex couples, while only 39 percent support same-sex marriage, according to a 2009 survey by the non-partisan Pew Research Center.

The past year has brought a number of high-profile victories for the gay rights movement.

In August, a federal judge in California struck down the state’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage on the grounds that it discriminated against gay men and women.

In March, Washington, D.C., became the sixth place in the nation to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

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First Unitarian Church, which has about 120 members, has positioned itself as one of the few churches in Lynchburg that vocally embraces the gay community.

The Unitarian church is in the heart of downtown Lynchburg, a stone’s throw from the Monument Terrace steps. The backside of its fellowship hall is lined with floor-to-ceiling glass windows that overlook the James River.

First Unitarian Rev. Paul Boothby said the Spectrum Café ministry reflects the church’s commitment to social justice.

“It grows from our religious conviction that all people have inherent worth and dignity, and we are called to respect the worth and dignity of all people,” Boothby said, adding, “I think Jesus spoke about that somewhere.”

Though First Unitarian church has a history of advocating for the gay community, it has become more intentional about its outreach in recent years, said Boothby.

In early 2009, First Unitarian was named a “welcoming congregation” by the Unitarian Universalist Association, the church’s international governing body. The designation means that First Unitarian has demonstrated that it is open and safe to people of all sexual orientations.

That same year, First Unitarian launched Spectrum Café, not knowing whether it would gain traction.

After a few months, attendance at Spectrum Café was growing.  First Unitarian added funding for the event to its church budget.

“Part of my hope is that eventually Lynchburg and the country will change enough so that an event like Spectrum wouldn’t be necessary. But for now it’s so important,” Boothby said.

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Most people who discover Spectrum Café keep coming back.

Amherst County native Greg Turner, 30, has been a regular since last September.

“I see it like a welcoming family,” said Turner, a financial planning representative for National College. “They accept everybody and they know the struggles that GLBT people go through … They’re willing to accept them and say, ‘Hey, we’re here for you.’”

Turner, who graduated from Liberty University, did not find that kind of support at his alma mater. He kept his homosexuality a secret for fear, founded or not, of getting kicked out at school. He struggled to reconcile his own faith with Liberty’s stance that homosexuality was wrong.

Eight years later, his feelings are still torn about the school he called home.

“I’m proud to say I graduated from there, but I will not support it until it changes its point of view and stuff … it’s like they’re promoting hatred, they’re not promoting Christian love.” For Kim and Rose Sinha, the biggest irony of living in Lynchburg is the common ground they share with the subset of churchgoers who oppose homosexuality.

“It’s funny, we have so much in common with people who oppose us, like our feelings toward the importance of church and religious support, and the importance of family and stability,” Kim Sinha said.

The couple settled in Lynchburg in 2004 and was married by a Christian minister at First Unitarian in 2006. Together, they are raising Kim Sinha’s teenage daughter.

“Part of the goal of Spectrum is to just give people an opportunity to see that we’re human beings with real lives who have simple joys,” Kim Sinha said.

Madison Heights native Jordan Cheryba, 25, said he dressed like a “thug” to blend in during high school, fearing he would get beaten up, or worse, if his classmates discovered he was gay.

“I was afraid I was going to be shot,” he said.

Cheryba, who is taking classes at CVCC, has been open about his sexuality for more than two years. He said it can still be hard to live in the Lynchburg area, but community support like that found at Spectrum makes it easier.

“I absolutely love it,” Cheryba said of Spectrum. “It’s just a blast, coming here and just being yourself and not having to worry about what other people are going to think of you.”

Kate Pisarek, who entered her freshman year of college this fall, was skeptical of Spectrum at first.

“At first I was like, ‘That sounds kind of stupid,’” Pisarek said. “Then I heard there was food, and I was like ‘I’m in.’”

“It gives the gay and bi community a place to come but you don’t have to be gay or bi,” she said. “I’m perfectly straight but I love coming here.”

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Before the guests arrived last month, Kim Sinha, decked out in a pink poodle skirt, covered the tables with retro tablecloths. Later, Rose Sinha whipped up a batch of milkshakes.

The theme was “’50s Night Beach Blanket Bingo.” The Sinhas come up with a different theme for each Spectrum Café to keep it fresh; September will be “Pirates and Parrots.”

The crowd of about 25 grew boisterous when it was time for bingo.

At Spectrum, bingo is always a crowd-pleaser.

“For the first few games we’re playing straight bingo,” said Rose Sinha, as she churned the metal bingo ball dispenser.

Her choice of words did not go unnoticed.

“I guess I’m not straight enough,” someone quipped.

The jokes keep coming. Kim Sinha corrects Rose’s faux pas: “traditional bingo, not straight bingo,” she said with a laugh.

At midnight, when the event was over, the Sinhas were tired. It was a long day, but, once again, worth it.

“At the end of it, we really feel like this is a ministry,” Rose Sinha said. “We really feel almost a calling to do it, and we have fun, too … We’re committed to the long haul.”